ben.parmeter

…leads to me blogging more than usual.  It’s the dreaded annual review time at work and I’m overwhelmed with evaluations, ranking, rating, meetings, etc.  All of this is piled on top of my regular job which has increased in workload considerably this year.  The desire to goof off, surf the internet or play with my daughter is so much more appealing.  I think that’s why this particular picture hit home for me.  Also, it’s hilarious.  I mean, dinosaurs, jets and swimsuit models?!  Comedy gold.

This weekend, we went back to the same Ultrasound clinic that we went to several weeks back, and splurged a little because we just can’t wait to see our little daughter’s face.  Thanks to some serious mathematics, processing power, and of course pure awesome physics, we can take a glimpse under our skin with a simple sound wave.  (If you seriously want to know more about the real-time rendering of the 3-D images for ultra sound, take a gander at this website.  Prepare to get your geek on.  You’ve been warned.)

I have to say I never expected the kind of emotional response that this experience elicited from me.  It’s as if I got to meet my daughter for the first time.  And I’ll be darned if that didn’t bring a tear to my eye.  I may be a little biased, but even looking at these distorted yellow images, I think she’s the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen.

Without further delay, click here, to go straight to the gallery.

Personally, I think she is a spitting image of Suzy.  Her eyes and nose for sure.  Suzy seems to think she resembles me from the lower lip down.  You be the judge:

I’ll post the video’s later when I can get them compressed and posted to YouTube.  Instead of the lullaby’s that were recorded with the original, I’m thinking of re-dubbing it (like a Kung-Fu movie).  I’ll taking requests for potential tunes.

Until next time, I love you all.

Internet folks.  It’s hot out here in California.  I’m so lethargic, I can barely type out these words.  I know it said 108, but my little digital thermometer said 110 around 7PM last night.  That’s hot by my standards.  Fortunately, it’s a dry heat, meaning the humidity is low.  So at least we can breath.  Thank you science, for bringing me my air conditioner and my refrigerator.

Suzy and I are surviving.  There is hope on the horizon.  I see a cool, breezy 98 degree day is forecast on Friday.

I know I did.  Square Dancing was a required part of our curriculum where I grew up.  It was a yearly staple in our gym class that everyone seemed to recoil from.   Even the instructors seemed to be less than enthusiastic about it.  I specifically remember kids in school that would pretend to be sick on the days that we had square dancing.  They were afraid of catching the well known pandemic known scientifically as C00T1E5.  Gasp!  An activity that actually forced you to dance and hold hands with members of the opposite sex!

As I travel through life, I’ve remained curious about Square Dancing and if it was just my little schools in Oregon that required this, or if this is some kind of national conspiracy.  So every once and a while, I’ll ask friends and family in my age group whether they were required to Square Dance in school.  Surprisingly, the answer is usually ‘yes’.  Indeed they were forced to do-si-do and promenade, etc. at school during their tender years.

This set off an alarm in the conspiracy theory department of my mind.  Perhaps this was some sort of vast government plan to preserve our American heritage and culture through a national school Square Dancing program.  What a bizarre requirement to impose on the youth of America.  You’d think they might have chosen some other types of dancing as well, or in it’s place.  Or perhaps some day someone in some little government office will push a button which will send subconscious messages to the citizens of the United States turning us all into Square Dancing zombies.  Perhaps… but how would I ever know for sure?

As it turns out, in my family network, I happen to have someone that is involved with shaping and molding the minds and bodies of our children in the great state of California.  She is an actual physical education teacher and was able to articulate exactly why we were all subjected to form of dance – at least in California.  Apparently Square Dancing is an excellent activity to teach coordination.  And it apparently teaches social interaction, forcing the boys to interact with the girls.  And so, it shows up as a required curriculum across the state for these fine benefits.

I personally just think its a really strange thing.  Although, thinking back, there were a lot of activities in gym class that were kinda weird.  But most of them were a lot more fun than Square Dancing.  Just a quick poll – were you forced to Square Dance in school?  Comments welcome.

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So it happens that my truck recently sprung a small leak in the rear differential.  I noticed some spots of fluid on the garage floor, which typically means its time to take this thing to the shop.  My truck is relatively new (2006), so it’s still under warranty.  Thankfully.

I took the truck into the dealer to have it serviced on Thursday this last week thinking the job would likely be done in a day.  Which in hindsight is always a foolish assumption.  However, I got the inevitable call from the dealer that they didn’t have the parts that they needed to repair my truck and would have to keep it overnight, until they arrived in the morning.  Additionally, there were no rental cars available at the rental place so I’d have to wing it on my own.

In a last minute snap decision on Thursday afternoon, I worked a deal to borrow my friend Dave’s old Ford Explorer for the next day or so.  This would alleviate Suzy from driving me too and from work – which would have been quite a hassle as it is way out of her way (especially when I needed to a catch a plane in the wee hours of the morning on Friday).

There are some caveats to Dave’s ride.  It’s not the oldest vehicle out there, but it’s seen its fair share of hard times.  When picking up the car, Dave went through all of the potential issues with me, including the non-working driver side door latch.  I was so pleased to have a vehicle, in my desperate time of need, that I dismissed these issues without a care and happily took the keys.  It was shortly after this, as I was driving back to the office, that I realized the rolling safety hazard that this vehicle is.

Dave, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry… this is tough love.  Consider this my plea to you, to purchase a new vehicle as soon as humanly possible.

Where do I start?  Oh yes.  As I pulled away from Dave’s driveway you can instantly identify the sound of an exhaust leak sputtering from under the hood.  Putt-putt-putt-putt-putt… Not that big a deal but potentially a real environmental hazard.  As I rolled down the street at a slow 25 miles an hour, it felt like the suspension was in control of the car, not me.  Like I was floating on a cloud which in turn was skating across ice.  Hitting a few bumps on the road the suspension actually pitches forward and then backward in a dizzying see-saw type motion.  It’s the kind of feeling that makes you want to just hit the brakes in fear, immediately.  Dave, I know you’re probably used to this type of suspension, but let me tell you, this is not normal.  I’m no expert in the ways of automobiles, but I think this is dangerous.

Braking.  When you touch the brakes and they start with a low squeal then move into a solid low and grinding groan, it’s probably time to get them checked out.  Not to mention the fact that they feel so spongy that I was in fear that they were actually capable of stopping the weight of the vehicle at all.   I adjusted my braking style, so as not to careen into the cars in front of me.

Given that the driver side door does not work, the fear of being in a gnarly accident from the aforementioned suspension and breaking issues is amplified by the fact that I would potentially be trapped inside.   And that emergency personnel would not be able to free me from an almost certain fiery death.

Oh, and I would be remiss if I did not mention the “shame” component of driving this vehicle.  You are instantly identifiable on the road when driving this chattering, squealy, and puttering bucket of bolts.   When I pulled into the work parking lot after picking up the vehicle, a friend walked past me and took one look at the driver side door, replete with exposed door panel, wiring, and the controls hanging from a harness.  He immediately said “Is that your car?!” in an incredulous tone.   After I explained that I was only borrowing this car from another friend he scoffed that it would be better to not have any car at all.

Ok, so it may not have been all that bad.  I may have laid it on a bit thick for the benefit of my readers.  And don’t get me wrong, I am extremely grateful to have had a free vehicle to borrow while mine was out of commission.  Thanks for helping a friend out.

But Dave, sorry, it’s time for a new vehicle.

Short post today.  I just wanted to share with you this fine Tuesday, a tid-bit of e-mail I received from RedBox.  I get these e-mails every Tuesday informing me of the new releases that are available at my local kiosk.  Today I noticed that Elmo is going green in “Sesame Street: Elmo Being Green”, which is a bit of copyright infringement on the Muppets in my opinion.  But more interestingly, according to RedBox, Elmo’s new flick is rated PG-13 by the Motion Picture Association of America. Here’s what I saw…

Wow.  What could Elmo be doing get get so harshly rated by the MPAA?  I may have to rent this just to see what makes this so objectionable for the 12 and under crowd.  The way Elmo is grabbing the globe there, one might think he was “Loving the Earth” a bit too much.

I just wanted to jump in and give a quick update of some of the tunes I’ve been listening to lately.   First of all, the latest to come out of the Decemberists, “The Hazards of Love”, is pretty outstanding.  This may sound strange, but personally the album has a rough 1970’s Led Zeppelin featuring Carly Simon kind of sound.  It’s a big, sweeping, moving album that I feel is their best offering to date.  Stumptown sure delivers some amazing bands.  Speaking of Portland bands, hey Shins, I want another album!  Get on that. Yeah.

Let’s see here, what else have I been listing to lately.  Oh yes, the Mt. St. Helens Vietnam Band.  I was hooked from the first moment I listened to the song Albatross, Albatross, Albatross. They’re a fun band that reminds me a lot of the punky upbeat style of Hot Hot Heat.  You may disagree, but give them a spin.  They’re on watch.

Next up is Cymbals Eat Guitars, who are raw and awesome.  They rock like Modest Mouse, they use dischord like Pavement, they’re raw like the Wrens.  I may be stealing from other reviewers with those references, but hey, it’s accurate.  Get it, listen, profit.

Lastly, I’m probably the only one not talking about the Handsome Furs.  Whoops… I guess I officially talked about them.  So, I have a soft spot for that Wolf Parade sound.  And to boot… the heavy electro sound puts this one over the top.  Good stuff.

I think that’s enough for now.  Blog out.

Well, it seems to work for Ingrid, so I’m going to take some pictures of my recent projects, post them here, and hope that I can get to them soon.

Here is my latest gadget. This is no ordinary record player, this is the Ion. It’s connected to my computer via a USB cable and is made specifically for backing up those old analog albums to digital files. It’s a beautiful mixture of old and new technology. I can’t wait to start converting those old tracks. But the work is time consuming. Lining up the needle, capturing the audio at just the right second, and all of the digital clean-up to remove the major scratches and pops takes a serious amount of time. Right now we just have a few albums to transfer. Suzy has a collection of Beatles albums at her parents house that I can’t wait to give a spin.

And recently for my birthday, I also received a turkey fryer kit! Before you get too excited, I’m not going to be using this to fry up any animal flesh. Suzy and I are basically vegetarians now anyway.  Instead, I’ll be using this to brew up some delicious batches of beer.  It’s the perfect setup, with a big aluminum brew-pot, propane stove, and long thermometer.  Pat also hooked me up with some copper tubing, which he had pre-fashioned into a spiral.  I’ll use this to make a wort chiller, to do a rapid cold-break.

This is all in preparation for brewing my first Organic Beer.  We recently visited an Organic Brew Shop in Santa Cruz.  I’m excited to get started on the brewing process for this one, but I’ve been putting it off until I got the propane burner and pot setup.  Organic beer may be taking the whole organic thing a bit too far, but hey, it’s beer.  Do you think it will taste any better, or worse or the same?  Time will tell.

Not only did I want to wait for the burner setup, but also the completed Wort Chiller.  While I had the copper tubing, I still needed hose to connect to a water source, to supply the cold water for the cold-break process.  Suzy and I recently went to the hardware store and I picked up a nice thin marine hose that hooks up nicely to spigots outside our house.  Here’s a picture of the cleaning process to remove the thin layer of laminate from the copper, boiling in a solution of water and vinegar.  Also a nice test of the burner.

And also on the docket is a full remodel of our guest room.  The previous owners must have taken it upon themselves to install some seriously bad crown molding, which is basically mounted flat on the wall.  I just want to look at them and say, really?!  And the baseboards themselves look like molding that would normally be used for a door.  The ceiling is still a pinkish purple, the blinds are purple, the carpet is dingy, stained and old and the ceiling fan is electrically dubious.  All this must go.  So I will be taking it upon myself to go to town on this room and turn it into something that we don’t have to be ashamed of anymore.  I’m not sure how long this project is going to take me, but it will probably some time before we get it going.  Here are some before shots…

And here is a closer shot of the horrid crown… and pink ceiling…

Well, I could go on for days about all the unfinished projects around here, but I need to get myself up off the couch.  Until next time…

I put myself under incredible pressure when putting together a new post for this blog.  I spend ten times the amount of time I would normally put into an e-mail.   I want it to be perfect, poetic, beautifully composed, a masterpiece.  But each and every time, I end up posting my text, which doesn’t live up to my strict standards.  This feeling of anxiety over blogging grows so much that I actually talk myself out of writing anything at all.  And when I truly sit down and think about this behavior, I realize just how silly I’m being.  I’m being silly right?

Sometimes I think I should try that twitter thing that everyone is talking about.  Surely that pressure would feel about blogging would be alleviated by being forced to 140 characters per short-attention-span post.  Sure, you’ve heard about twitter right?  I doubt you could have missed it recently.  It’s name is being bandied about in the news, your co-workers, your friends and relatives.  It’s everywhere.  And yet, I have never used it.   Ever.    Just like my aversion to MySpace and Facebook, I’ll probably resist Twitter to the very bitter end.   But someday I’ll get on there.   Lured in by someone – and I may even start my own.  But for now, I’ll just keep on writing these long antiquated blog-like things.

In other news, I recently purchased “The Oregon Trail” for my iPhone.  You’re probably wondering why I would spend $5.99 on an educational game.  I think most of the kids who were in school 80’s and early 90’s are quite familiar with the original game on the Apple II.

For some of us, we had to suffer with just the monochrome green version of the game, but it sure was fun!  I’m not sure I learned much from the game, but couldn’t wait for the “action” parts of the game where you actually got to hunt for animals.  And of course, we always had someone die of dysentery along the way.

Oh, what a great game.  And now, it’s been exhumed from it’s electronic grave, heavily updated and improved and released on yet another ground-breaking Apple device, the iPhone.  And here is what it looks like.

Pretty cool, huh?  I think I’m learning more with this version than I ever did with the old version.

With that, I bid you adeiu.

Happy Valentines Day everyone! Not to be a big downer or anything, but this holiday feels cheapened by the mass commercialization of candy, greeting cards, etc.   The amount of e-mail spam I’ve received for pajama-grams, flowers-over-the-internet, and penis enlargement have really spiked over the last week.  The marketing geniuses of the world are cramming this holiday down my throat everywhere I turn.

But hey, there is a really good side to this day.  It reminds us to express our love for each other and creates a socially acceptable forum for men (and women) to show their sensitive sides.  Really, we should be letting our significant others know how much we love them all year long.  But this holiday is a welcome platform to affirm just how much we care for one another.

And you know what else, it makes great economic sense.  What better stimulus is there for a country in economic crisis than to celebrate holidays that involve spending lots and lots of money on flowers, candy, expensive restaurants, hotels, gasoline, greeting cards, sexy underwear, jewelry, teddy bears, etc.  It really is like an emergency Christmas!

Wikipedia says “The The U.S. Greeting Card Association estimates that approximately one billion valentines are sent each year worldwide, making the day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year, behind Christmas.” Wow.

So, go out and spend your money with wild abandon and do your part in this crisis.  All of this is a great segue into this clip of John Hodgman from the Daily Show last week.  I found it to be downright hilarious.  Embedded here for your viewing enjoyment.